I figured it might be a good idea to join SOME community.. Live journal decided that I didn't have a life enough so they were like WHY DON'T YOU JOIN A COMMUNITY DAMMIT!? So... being the good little person I am. I decided to take part in this one. 

Hi. I'm J *waves frantically*

and I'm probably what one would consider damaged goods.

I'm not very good at introductions... so... uh... here's a haiku to describe me..

neurotic creepster,
lurking the cyber abyss
clutching her old bear.

^pretty much describes me every night ^

Not a real bear by the way... Although that would be awesome.. *ponders the idea*

Anyway, I'm taking up too much space. 

Just wanted to say hello 

soo... Hi. 

(no subject)

Do we take drugs to get high? or just not to feel? Do we cut because we need to? Or do we cut because we have to? What is the difference? Have we become such a society that people are willing to hurt and ultimatly kill themselves not to feel? To get away from it? To tell the truth I'm scared, because if we're not there already, we're heading dangerously close. My scars remind me of everything that has happened in my life good or bad, does that mean I'm numb to the pain, that I can't tell the difference between good and bad? Does it even matter? That is the biggest question of all, I think, does it matter? What matters, is it really what you do with you're life, if so who decides what was worth while?

I saw a bunch of boys in the woods a couple weeks ago, they were about ten or twelve and they were passing around a joint, I just looked at them. Even though I knew it was wrong, esspecially that young, I didn't say anything. Does this mean that I am lazy? Does this mean that I don't really find it as reprehensible as I should? Does it mean that I don't want to get involved? Or does it mean that I simply don't care? I don't know. I truely don't know.

These are just my late - night rambling, feel free to leave a comment.

(no subject)

Stuff going on.
So yeah I haven't posted in a while, I'm staying prettymuch cut free, a few instences here and there but pretty much cut free. I went to the beach a few days ago and was panicking about how to cover my scars, I have a ton on my thigh. I put tons of make up on it, but it turns out we just lay in the sun so i didn't have to take my skirt off.

My brother passes his second portion of army ranger training, I think hes insane but I'll never tell him that. I'll never tell him that I think the war he fought in is unjust, and illeagal, he doesn't diserve that. He's a good man, this wasn't his desision to go to war. I am all for supporting the troops, even if the war they're fighting erks me to my very core.

My brother couldn't be there for my high school graduation because of his army stuff, he hasn't been there for any of my important things since before my Bat Miztvah ( I was 13), and he feel really bad I know. So when he graduates from Ranger school he's flying me out to Georgia to pin his Ranger badge on him. I almost cried when I found out. I love him so much.

So that's my life as of late.

So how are you all?


A fanlisting is a place where people who enjoy similar things come together!

All you have to do is join. You, of course, can show your pride by a small graphic on your LJ somewhere. But it's really easy to join!

It's really easy to join! My point is to make a place where people who love to think morbidly can join and meet. You can also submit your own art/writing to the website.

Just though some of ya'll might want a place to meet and show off your stuff off of LJ.


Endless Tunnel Buried deep inside my soul....blood spews....

.....cuts wound the bend, blood. More hate than love. you must love in order to hate. Darkness. Beings left behind by a faceless god of misdeeds. Bombs bursting in air...Iraqi children dying below...'DEMOCRACY AT ITS BEST!!!!' shouts the Empire. We watched in closed homes...doors shut so the AC doesn't cool the whole neighborhood. Big brother's leg stays in foreign lands. I bust. I break. I shatter. I held on for so long and now the arm must come off. I begged to be shot when they found me. Lying there underneath all those stones. Why do we continue to live for? We've been lied to. We are lied to everyday. Mr. Man with his tophat gun slinger around his waist, blue blooded my ass. Jen, I miss you. I miss you dearly.


  • Current Mood
    cranky cranky

Help ASAP!!

Im a bit frightened by the lady sitting next to me. Her mouth is open making unsettling guttural noises,while typing blindly at her screen, yet glasses sit in front of her... Odd...

Fucked, is what I will be unless I can find a diet pill or vitamin/diet-suppressant with am·phet·a·mine in it.

A colorless, volatile liquid, C9H13N, used as a central nervous system stimulant in the treatment of certain conditions, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, depression, and narcolepsy, and abused illegally as a stimulant.
A derivative of amphetamine, such as dextroamphetamine or a phosphate or sulfate of amphetamine.

Please help me find a drug with simlar properties as Adderal, so I have an excuss for an amphetamine showing up on my dru test.

(no subject)

I just moved out of my house aweek ago, and Im now living w/ my friend. Her mom never comes home so its just the two of us...Her and I both get money from our folks for food. She has $40 dollars a week to buy food and such, and I have $25. We are both currently looking for jobs, and cannot afford much to eat. She is used to buying starches (bread rice) to eat because they come cheap...I on the other hand prefer veggies and fruit. She wants to combine money to buy groceries but Id rather buy my own food. Im living in her house, so its a bit hard to tell her no, I wont eat your food...

(no subject)

my name is brittany.... and i've fallen

i am 15, and and im slowly losing it.... Im a cutter, and i can't stand the feeling of life any longer i bleed just to let myslef know that im still alive. My body might be moving but my soul has shut down. im empty, and no one seems to notice... no one knows the little suicidal girl thats crying on the inside.... the pain and hurt is too much for one person to bear...

let go of the pain
Slit the vain
Lose to gain....
  • Current Mood
    lonely my heart crys for company
{ winthewar }

(no subject)

Hey im Victoria im new, im 14. Hating life, as usual. I have only been cutting for a month, and I only use a disposable razor. And sometime I use my straightener and burn myself. Whatever I feel pain. I hide all of this behind a smile, and long sleeved shirts. </3 Add me if you want, comment on my lj and I will add you